Lost: Saved by Love #1 Page 5
Driving like a bat out of hell, I race up the mountain. After everything she has been through and if what Jax says is right, an absolute nightmare, I’m a grade “A” asshole for leaving her alone. Hopefully, Jax will be able to get me info on the missing girl from the house. At least now we have a lead we can work with. I have been too busy to look at missing persons and try to find a match. Having my dick think for me for the last week has left me feeling out of control. I have none when it comes to her.
I know I have been gone too long, but I want to check the crash site that Jax spoke of. What is the proximity of the wreckage site to the dirt road leading to my place? There is a steep decline on the opposite side of the road from my side except it wasn’t something I was looking for on my way up to my cabin, so I didn’t notice anything out of order. Passing my turnoff at least by a mile, I flip my truck around and drive slowly to look for signs of an accident.
Not twenty yards from my drive, I see skid marks and broken tree limbs leading down the hill. I pull over, jump out and run to the edge. Seeing a distinct path that smashed down the brush and broke trees, I slowly make my way down the hill. About half way down, I see a lot of blood in a body-sized area. At the bottom of the hill, small trees and bushes are smashed flat, probably compressed by a heavy object. This is probably where the car rested, but where is the car? I assume that someone took care of the dead guards that Jax spoke of because they have tried to clean up the area as if it never happened. The next rainstorm will wash away any remaining evidence left behind.
I scramble back up the steep hill, needing desperately to get back to her to make sure she is okay. If she is the missing girl and they haven’t found her dead, they will be looking for her, and I am the asshole who left her unprotected. Jumping in the truck, I race the 20 yards to my drive.
Turning down my road, I speed up while jerking my truck around through a few ruts. Right now I’m desperate to make sure she’s okay, so I don’t care about the abuse my truck is suffering. Have they found her? Am I too late?
The cabin is dark, and I see no movement through the windows. I pull out my .45 as I rush to the porch, tripping in my haste to get to the front door. My shoulder slams into the planter and moves it a foot. Lucky it was empty, or my shoulder would be broken or dislocated. I drag it back into place as I stand and head to the door. Listening for any sound of struggle or anything unfamiliar, it takes all my control not to rush in to make sure she is safe. I punch in my code and slowly ease the door open. As the door clicks shut behind me, I listen again for any signs of an intruder. I hear nothing, not even the sound of my guest. My stomach revolts. Am I too late? Did they get to her? Stealth be damned, I race for the stairs, climbing them three at a time and burst through my bedroom door to an empty room. “Oh God, no! No, no!”
Heading for the closet to grab my go bag, I open the door and stop dead in my tracks. She has a knife poised at her throat, and her hand is shaking so bad that I fear she will cut herself just from the movement. I did this to her. I have made her want to kill herself rather than be touched by me again. I am worse than the men who possibly abused her for weeks. At least they didn’t rape her. I took care of that all on my own.
Shame drags me to my knees as I set my gun to the side. “Please, Baby, put down the knife. I promise I won’t hurt you. I will take you to the nearest hospital to get help. I will leave you in safe hands and never bother you again if that’s what you want, but please just put away the knife. She shakes her head back and forth in a panic and blood trickles down the side of her neck to her collarbone. Once the sting registers she drops the knife and rushes me.
~Ren~
Derek has come back for me. I need him like I need my next breath. Maybe he thinks I’m dirty and doesn’t want me anymore; I will prove to him I’m not so he will keep me. After the memories came back in a flood, I couldn’t ever imagine being owned, but being owned by Derek would be my fairy tale. Jumbled thoughts keep racing through my head, making it impossible to think straight. His actions don’t match his words half the time. He says he’s going to leave me and never bother me again, but his intimate touches feel like he’s claimed me already. How do you release someone who you consider yours? The old adage, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they’re yours, if they don’t they never were,” does not apply to me. If he leaves me, I will break. In my panic, I shake my head and feel the slice of the knife into my skin then recoil, dropping the knife to the floor. I have to make him see reason. I will be better; I know who I am now.
I crawl as fast as I can and wrap my arms around him. He is caught off guard and falls back to the floor with me on top. “I am not dirty; they didn’t rape me.” I sob. “Please, I will be better, please don’t leave me again.” I don’t know if he can understand me through the sobbing, but I have to make him hear me. I scramble up his body to rain kisses down his face except he doesn’t move or reciprocate. He is frozen beneath me; I can’t even feel the rise and fall of his chest. Maybe I am too broken, and he doesn’t want someone so damaged. Embarrassment floods me, and I try to move off of him, but his hands grab my hips to hold me in place.
“Baby, you need to calm down,” he says. “I need you to take a few deep breaths and look into my eyes. That’s good, breathe in and out, in and out, there you go.”
As my heart rate slows, I realize that he still hasn’t moved, as if afraid any movement at all will send me into a tailspin. His deep blue eyes watch me warily. Humiliation intrudes again when it dawns on me that I am sitting on his groin, and I can feel his hard ridge between my thighs. My emotions and hormones are all over the place, and I can’t seem to control either one; maybe distance is necessary. Rising slowly, I wait as he stands to tower over me.
Even with his towering height and massive width, I feel safe with this man; craving him like no other before. He grabs my hand and tows me to the bed. Leaning down, he moves my hair away from my neck to check the cut. I open my mouth to tell him it’s okay, but the look he gives me shuts me up, and I lower my eyes to my lap. When he walks away, my mind knows he’s only going into the bathroom, but my heart clenches with agony that it symbolizes the final straw. If he sends me away, it’s because of my actions tonight; my irrational behavior just proves how unstable I am. Who does that? Who would contemplate suicide rather than be taken?
Realizing in that moment of weakness how selfish I had become overwhelms me with grief. Tears spill from my eyes at how ashamed I am of myself. I have left my sister to these monsters that abuse, rape, and sell women to other countries, instead of trying to figure out how to find and save her. In my moment of panic, I was willing to end it all before they touched me again. Oh my God! How long did he say I’ve been here? Was it eight or nine days? My sister could be long gone by now, sold, never to be found again. Being the big sister, I am supposed to protect her, and I’ve failed. Even with the beatings, car crash, and temporary memory loss, I am the lucky one. I’m free! Does she fight them as I did? Do they beat her daily for her defiance? Have they raped her to teach her a lesson in submission? I have so many questions and not enough time; I have to save my sister.
~Derek~
All trauma victims go through a series of emotions that usually end in shock. I can’t fault her for her erratic behavior, but right now my goal is to assess the damage first and beg for forgiveness later. I should have never left her, even for a little while, although I am relieved to have some new information. When I return to her side, the look on her face almost drags me to my knees right then. Wound first; kiss ass later.
Chapter Nine
Redemption:
*the action of saving or being saved from sin, error,
or evil. *the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.
~Ren~
I don’t hear his footsteps but feel the light brush of his hand upon my shoulder. I can’t bring myself to look at him knowing that he is probably just as disappointed in me as I am in myself. How could he not be? I let him take my virginity without even knowing my name, and then I tried to kill myself instead of fight. He kneels in front of me and pushes my hair behind my shoulder to place a wet washcloth at my neck. He works silently to apply ointment on my cut and cover it with a bandage. When he’s done, he lifts my chin with his fingers to look me in the eyes. I’m sure he’s trying to assess how sane I am.
“Ren,” at his puzzled look I continue. “Serenity, Ren for short. I remember things,” I blurt out, “and before I forget, I need to tell you what I know so we can help my sister, Tori; she won’t have much time. There was a car crash, and that is the only reason I am free now. They were tired of trying to break me, so instead of explaining their poor choice of female, they were selling me, not to one of their usual buyers but someone in Canada. If only I would’ve cooperated I could still be with Tori. Oh my God! What have I done? She is alone and innocent, and I left her there. We have to go back; we have to get her out of there.”
“Slow down, Baby. Take a deep breath.”
When he thinks I am relatively calm, he stands and holds out his hand. I reach up and place my fingers on his so he can pull me up. He grabs a blanket off the end of the bed and wraps it around me, using it to pull me close to his body.
“Let’s go down into the living room and sit by the fire. You are shaking like a leaf.”
He seems to be uncomfortable in the bedroom where we shared the most amazing night of my life, but apparently, it was not his. Could I be more humiliated?
He leads and I follow, more comfortable with him than I have been with anyone ever, even though I feel as if another shoe is about to drop. He places me in the center of the sofa and turns to start a fire. I watch in amazement as the stretch of his t-shirt glides across his broad back. His biceps bulge as he easily throws logs on to ignite. I am becoming exceedingly warm even without the fire. How will I survive it if he truly sends me away from him? I know it is too soon, but I think I am in love with this man. Not only did he save my life; this man has given me pleasure beyond my wildest dreams.
As he turns to me, his look of concern does not bode well. He thinks I’m crazy and probably can’t wait to get rid of this burden regardless of the intimacy that we’ve shared. He walks slowly to the couch as if afraid I will spook. I drop my eyes to my lap. I’m afraid he will look into my eyes and see how vulnerable I am. I am probably needier than anyone he has ever come across, and he is trying to figure out a way to break it to me gently. He carefully places his hand under my knees with the other one at my lower back and lifts me into his arms. Turning slowly, he settles into the corner of the couch. Spreading his legs, he places me in the V of his thighs and pulls my body into his chest. Wrapping his arms softly around me, he sighs and kisses the top of my head.
~Derek~
I have done more damage to this woman than the bastards who took her. I can’t control my hormones around her. Hell, I can’t even control my thoughts or actions. I claimed her the moment I found her; she wasn’t given a choice. She was half dead and unconscious. The second she showed any strength, I took what she had saved for someone special. Her begging and little moans were my undoing, and I took advantage of her submissive nature. She is confused−probably scared to death. She thinks of me as her hero, and I capitalized on her vulnerability and innocence. Then to top it all off, leaving her alone, even if it was just a few hours could have caused me to lose her. I can’t imagine how crazy I would have become if I discovered that those bastards had found her again and she was lost to me forever.
In just a week she has become ‘my everything.’ I need to make it up to her and convince her to stay. Promise her that I will take it slow until she trusts me fully. Wishing I were a better man to release her if that is what she wants is just that, wishing. I have never contemplated keeping a woman, although now I can’t imagine my life without her. I lost my parents at a young age, but if I lose her, it will destroy me. At thirty-one I have discovered love at first sight and my Happily Ever After. Now I just have to convince her that I will do everything in my power to make it her Happily Ever After as well.
As I sit on the couch with her soft, fragile body nestled into my crotch, it takes all of my willpower to keep from pressing my body into hers. I am hard as nails and feel as though I need to be inside the cocoon of her body to assure myself she is safe and real and mine. My thoughts are like a freight train leading nowhere but to having her bound and helpless for my pleasure and hers. I need to get on track to discovering the mystery of Ren.
“Baby, listen, I want you to take it slow and tell me as much as you remember. I have information myself that I need to discuss with you so let us just take this one step at a time, so you are not overwhelmed.”
~Ren~
I have never felt as safe as I do right now while snuggled into his body. Unfortunately, the feeling of coming home when I am with him might come to an abrupt end due to my actions. I need to find a way to convince him to keep me after he helps me find my sister. I move to sit up, but he just pulls me closer.
“Stay.” Not a request. “I need to feel you while we talk.”
What will he think of my crazy story? There’s only one way to find out. “My name is Serenity James, but my family and friends call me Ren. My Dad is probably worried sick and my sister Victoria was taken at the same time I was. It was her 21st birthday, and I convinced her to go to this bar with me to celebrate. Dad asked us not to go; he was worried about us being out late. We are all he has.” My voice quivers as I choke back a sob. Derek just pulls me closer, so there is no space between our bodies, and it encourages me to continue. “We were outside waiting for the cab when I was approached by a businessman who asked for a light. As I was digging in my purse, some guy attacked my sister, and when I went to help her, I was knocked out too.” Derek’s body stiffens, I’m sure imagining the worst. “I think they used chloroform on rags, so we passed out quickly; the violence came later.
My days blurred together. They kept me in a room with no windows and left the light on all the time. It seemed like every day they would come in and give me orders, and when I didn’t obey they would hit me with paddles, canes, and whips. They called me Pet and would only feed me like an animal. I defied them every day and was beaten for my insolence. The tattooed guy kept telling me that if I didn’t comply, I would be caged daily and only brought out for someone to…. you know.” He stiffens again and holds me even tighter. “Anyway, I assume eight or nine days ago the tattooed guy knocked me out, and when I woke up, I was in a car. The guy driving and the tattooed guy were arguing about who they were selling me to, and the next thing I know the car flipped and I was knocked out again. You said you found me on your dirt road, but I don’t know what happened between the wreck and you finding me. I faintly remember lying on the ground, cold and in pain, but I couldn’t move. I thought I was dead but didn’t make it to Heaven. When I finally came to, it was to my own personal savior.” I want to face him as I say the next part, so I turn a little, and he loosens his hold so I can maneuver myself to my knees. I sit on my heels and place my hands on his chest. “I will never be able to thank you enough for saving me. I don’t believe in coincidences so it can only be fate that brought me to you at that moment. Knowing that God sent you to me as my personal savior is the only thing that has put my mind at ease.” When he went to protest, I placed my finger to his lips. “Please let me say this. I know at the time that we did,” I pause flushing to the roots of my hair, “you know?”
“Made love.” He said wi
th conviction.
“Yes, I really didn’t know who I was.” He winces, and I can’t tell if that was from regret, but I have to say the rest. “I want you to know that it was the most beautiful experience of my life and I wouldn’t change it. I am so glad that the choice was not taken from me by those monsters.”
His face pales, and I realize that it was not as beautiful for him as it was for me. He doesn’t want to say it because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but my heart breaks into a million pieces. Needing to be alone, I move to stand, but his hands grip my waist to hold me in place. Tears pool in my eyes and begin flowing down my cheeks like a river. I am so embarrassed that I poured my heart out to him only to be rejected. I felt a connection to him that was not reciprocated, and talking is not going to fix my humiliation, except he won’t let me go.
Chapter Ten
Enlighten:
*give greater knowledge and understanding about a subject or situation. *shed light on. *give spiritual knowledge or insight.
~Derek~
“Baby, I can see by your face that you are drawing the wrong conclusion, so we are staying on this couch until we have an understanding, okay?”
I am in shock with her thinking error, but I have done that to her. She believes she made the choice to make love to me; that is definitely not the case. I am that monster who took what she saved. I took advantage of her weakness and vulnerability to take what I wanted, what I consider mine. I am a selfish bastard but plan on spending the rest of my life making it up to her. I will also fix her other thinking errors right now.